:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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