But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
