Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
