I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
