Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
