He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
