I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
