I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
