I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
