just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So. Much. Porn.
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