Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ketchup is God's man juice
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You made out with two different species that night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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