the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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