So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
