Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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