Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
