Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
