I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
