Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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