When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
