cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
