Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
