My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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