I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
