dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
