I skipped work to stalk him.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
