why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
