Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
