My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
