I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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