She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
