I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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