My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
