So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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