He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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