I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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