SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
