My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
