she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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