Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
