So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
