Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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