My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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