It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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