so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
