You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
