I want to make a zoo with you.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
