sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Alive.
So much puke
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
