he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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