I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
