I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
