K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
