I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
